The devil works hard, but Louis Vuitton works harder. And while the world may be ending, escapism in the form of a black leather LV wine case could be all yours for a mere $51,500.

The bag, Iโ€™m told, is in the American Colonial style, which in this instance is a fun way to say โ€œtriangular.โ€ It features silver hardware and red velvet and calls you poor when you ride the bus. (When I ran it by my editor his honest-to-god first reaction was: do you think it comes with a cocaine sub-container?*)

I certainly donโ€™t need it. I not even sure if I like it. But each time I close my eyes I genuinely cannot stop thinking about clenching it in my cold, Gollum-like hands.

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Turns out Iโ€™m late to this party. Louis Vuitton has been making wine cases for a number of years, and while my precious this specific bag holds up to four bottles, smaller versions come along every now and then. If youโ€™re looking for a more affordable option (heh), you could spring for this single bottle 2020 Boite Vin 1 Bouteille case for $11,200. Or you could try Sears.

Think of the splurge way: Youโ€™ll be saving a ton of money on imported wine with the upcoming French tariffs, so why not cheer yourself up with a modest little something-something?

Anyway, this is all just to say that if you enjoy Sprudge Wine, my writing, or want to be kind in general, my birthday is July 11th and Iโ€™m accepting luxury wine cases. I suppose even the sad, single bottle version.

*Absolutely.

Laura Jaye Cramer is a freelance writer based in California and has written forย SF Weekly,ย GOOD, andย PAPER Magazine.ย Read more Laura Jaye Cramer for Sprudge Wine.